My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
