i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
