i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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