Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
