foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
