after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
