You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
