you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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