Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
