I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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