I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
