i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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