i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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