oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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