I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
