this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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