Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
