Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
