i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
