I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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