i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
