we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
