We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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