I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
