when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
