I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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