i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
