I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
