I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
