Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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