I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
