The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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