my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
this hospital has no fireball
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
