Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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