ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
