her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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