He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
