what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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