morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
