What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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