I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
