i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
