I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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