No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
