i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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