just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
