Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
