we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
