Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Can you bring me the toilet please
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
