Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
