I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
