Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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