i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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