Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
