windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
