My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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