Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
