I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
